MY GROWN UP CHRISTMAS WISH

Dear Santa,

I know that I’ve been good this year… that you can see a halo above me. I wasn't naughty either, uber bait ko talaga ngayong taon na to. Okay, tigilan na ang kalokohan. 

I will not ask for material things this Christmas, World peace na lang.. chos!  Sa panahong ito, wala ng magreregalo ng DLSR at Iphone 4S, kaya hindi na ko aasang may magbibigay, pagiipunan ko na lang kung gusto kong bilhin. 

Isa lang ang hiling ko Santa, isang malupit na lovelife! Yung lovelife na seryosohan at pangmatagalan. Ayoko na yung sinesekreto at walang patutunguhan.  Siguro naman sa dami-dami ng nararating mo, may makikita kang para sa akin. Hindi naman ako mapili, kahit hindi na si Mario Maurer ibigay mo sa kin, basta may nakakapawis na abs, broad shoulders at looks na mala-boy next door, ok na sa kin yun. Kung hindi naman uubra yung boy next door ayos lang basta hindi takot sa commitment, yung kaya akong pahalagahan at mamahalin lang ako.  Sabi nga ni KC "hindi lahat nadadaan sa kilig" kaya ibahin mo ko Santa.. Oo, masarap yung feeling ng kinikilig pero aanuhin ko ang kilig kung  sinungaling at echosero naman. Kaya ang ibigay mo sa kin yung kayang sakyan ang mga trip ko sa buhay, malambing at hindi manloloko. Madali lang naman ako pasayahin, mababaw lang din ang kaligayahan ko.  Ano ba naman yung sumayaw sya na ginigiling ang nakakapawis nyang abs sa harapan ko? Gugulong na ko sa tuwa nun.

Alam ko medyo madami na hinihiling ko, pero para sa taong nadala na minsan lang naman maginarte at humiling ng ganito… sana pagbigyan mo na ko.

Hindi din naman ako nagmamadali, kahit hindi na umabot ngayong pasko dahil alam ko hectic ang schedule mo. Kaya ko naman po maghintay til next year pero huwag mo naman sanang paabutin hanggang valentines day. 

Alam mo ba Santa, hindi lang ako ang mapapasaya mo pag grinant mo ang wish ko. Tyak ang tatay ko mapapadasal ng nakaluhod sa Quiapo sa sobrang tuwa kapag natupad ang wish ko. At matatahimik na din ang mga taong nagsasabing mukha akong inlove.. kasi masasabi ko ng totoong inlove ako kapag may malupit na kong lovelife. See Santa,  sobrang nakatipid ka na sa kin. 

Feel na feel ko, igra-grant mo ang wish ko. yeeehaaa! 

xoxo
feelingerang ayen


P.S. 
bonus na Santa kung yung nakakapawis na abs may dalang DSLR. yay!

Huling hirit ng long weekend

Speaking of awkward.. I have an awkward moment just today. How would you feel if someone you haven't talk to for a long time suddenly appears at your doorstep? Isn't awkward? Hindi ko alam kung papatuluyin ko sya or what, pero ayaw kong maging rude. Plus ayaw ko naman ipahalata dito sa bahay na may something wrong. Una kong tanong anong masamang hangin nagdala sa kanya dito.. at syempre sa isip ko lang sinabi yun. Tinanong ko lang sya bakit sya nandito. At hindi ko na sasabihin ang sagot nya baka kasi magkaasaran tayo. hahaha! Basta ang awkward ng feeling. Iniisip ba nya na kapag nagsorry sya mababalik kami sa dati? Maaring hindi na ko galit pero hindi ibig sabihin na okay na kami. Hindi na sya nagtagal kasi wala naman kaming mapagusapan. Gusto nyang uminom pero I'm not in the mood plus may pasok pa bukas. So yun umuwi na din sya. And I was left thinking, am i too proud to accept the apology? Or it doesn't matter anymore? Nangyari na mga nangyari and hindi na mababago yun. If she misses our company before, hindi sya dapat magexpect na mababalik yun. She managed to live without me.. so let's just leave things the way it is. Parang mas ok na ganito na lang kami. It's hard to trust her again and to regain the friendship. Kapag kasi nasaktan ka na ng paulit-ulit, katangahan na yun kung hahayaan mo pang gawin ulit sa'yo yun. I'm not closing my doors.. I'm just  not ready to be friends with her again. Yun lang..

What's in my tummy?

I have a kwento.. last night while eating my dinner at our store my mom talked about my sister's way of losing some weight. With her friends daw, they play badminton to lose weight. My mom said "hindi naman malaking mataba si eny, malaki lang ang tyan nun pro sakto lang un katawan". Me, looking at my tummy said " bakit nga ba ganun? tyan lang lumalaki sa min?". I'm having a hard time keeping my tummy small. Grabe kasi ako kumain nowadays and tamad ako magexercise. I'd rather lay in bed and read a book than to do some workouts. Tyan lang talaga problema ko.. saka hita and pwet. hahaha! Ewan ko ba, yung lower part lang ng body ko ang lumalaki! Heto na.. sumingit ang tatay ko sa usapan. "Ok lang sana kung malaki yan kung may lamang bata!" Sabi na dun na naman ang bagsak ng usapan. I told him, "so, sabi mo yan ha? gusto mo magkalaman ng bata to? Yun lang pala weh!" and my dad said, "I'm giving you my blessing" hahaha! Gusto kong tumambling! Hindi sya masyadong desparate magkaapo noh? kalokah ang tatay ko!

5 Stages of Moving on a Heartbreak

I overheard about this "five stages of moving on in the office". Oo eavesdropper ako, ano magagawa ko ang lakas nila magkwentuhan. There are five stages daw, hmmm.. I don't think it applies to everyone kasi di ba case to case basis yan. O sya here are the stages:

First stage: Denial

You'll be numb and thinking this is not happening. You'll be hoping that everything will work out fine. 

You're living in a fantasy land kung iniisip mong ok yung relationship nyo kahit on the rocks na kayo, na may hope pa kahit it's the end of the road na for the both of you.

2nd Stage: Anger

Yes, people get mad and put someone into blame. A lot of cursing and hate words were given to the person you once loved. People thinks irrationally and tend to do things dangerously. Some are thinking of Revenge. There are ways you can release your anger and it's normal to get angry. It's part of the healing process. Let out the painful feelings inside. Sabi nila  make a hate letter, kung gusto mo isend mo sa kanya or isulat mo sa journal mo or have someone like a friend na maging shock and anger absorber mo.

3rd Stage: Bargaining or Compromising

You're trying to win him/her back. It's kind of pathetic asking for something and you know you'll never gonna get it. I may have compromised for a friendship kahit yun na lang pero it won't last. May mangyayari at mangyayari para masira yun. Based on experience lang.

Fourth Stage: Depression

Feel the pain. It is okay to cry and feel sorry for yourself. After a while, you'll get tired of all the thinking and crying. Most people wants to isolate themselves during this stage to think and let their emotions out. I know someone who hurt himself kapag depress. Naku mag-ingat, nakakabaliw ang heartache.

Fifth Stage: Acceptance

Believe it or not you'll eventually feel that it is over. You'll finally not feel anger or sad thinking about the situation. This is the time you'll think you're free and ready to see the world again. You'll get to realize how stronger a person you are overcoming that heartache. Ewan ko lang kung hindi ka mapagod kakaiyak at kakaisip kaya iaccept mo na lang na wala na, end na.. period.

One thing I can say about moving on, it doesn't require somebody new to finally say you have move on. I know some people says nakamove on na sila kasi inlove na sila ulit. I find it weird kasi parang you can't finally say you're ok kung walang kapalit yung dati. It doesn't mean being alone equates to loneliness. You can be unattached and be happy with your friends, family and of course with yourself. From my experience, having a good support system really helped a lot to easily let go. Salamat at may matyatyaga akong friends na hindi nagsawa sa pakikinig ng walang kawenta-wentang hinaing at sama ng loob ko. hahaha! thanks guys! I really appreciate the time and the advices. Makulit lang ako pero sinunod ko naman kayo di ba? To easen up the process, one thing na nakatulong sa akin is magpalit ng routine. If you're doing things with him/her before, try changing it. Don't go to places that will make you remember her/him. Go out with your friends. Pag heartbroken ako mas adventurous ako, so gala and shopping lang ang katapat nyan. Kung makikita mo naman sya, deadma lang, hindi ko hahayaang sumikip ang mundo ko ng dahil sa kanila. Yes, i have setbacks and I do feel sometimes annoyed and a bit angry pero it's normal naman di ba? I may have forgiven but I will never forget everything that has been said against me. Hindi ko na ieelaborate kasi baka maiba na yung title ng post ko. lol! 

"what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" -narinig ko lang to at hindi ko alam kung kanino galing.

Happy Birthday Uncle Jovy!!!

 

 

my pademure uncle

Today is my favorite uncle's birthday! When I got home today the first thing he let me see is his new senior citizen ID card. hahaha! He's my favorite unce you know why? 'coz I'm his favorite niece.. hahaha! I'm pretty sure madaming magrereact na cousins ko. Gawa din kayo blog pra kayo din ang favorite. lol! Uncle is one of the generous people I know. Way back, when he used to earn so much, he's the person we go to whenever we need something and you'll never have a hard time asking him. Kung binabayaran ang utang na loob, malamang nakalubog ako na ko. I grew up with my lola and with him, so basically all my life magkasama kami. One thing that my lola constantly told me when she was alive is.. to take good care of my uncle when she'll be gone. Even if my lola didn't told me that, hindi ko kayang pabayaan yung taong malaki ang hirap sa akin. Nagtatry ako bumawi even in simple ways. Kaya ngayon, whenever he asks me something basta kaya ko hindi ako nagdadalawang isip. I have a lot of happy memories with him, and something that I'll never forget is when we went to Star city.. just the two of us. We went to a ghost house and grabe mas malakas pa sya tumili sa kin. May kasabay pa kaming magbf dun sa loob then paglabas sya na ung nakakapit dun sa guy. hahaha! Uber tawa talaga ko everytime maaalala ko yun.

Uncle, 

         I just want to thank you for everything. You'll always be my favorite uncle. Walang aagaw sa spot na yun. Hindi lang talaga ko showy pero.. love you so much! Happy senior citizen birthday!!! =)

Tigilan na ang yosi at wag ng pasaway. 

Things you'll hate to love about me

I can't think of something to post kaya heto na lang. Actually madaming naka drafts puro walang ending. So here it goes, things you might like/hate about me.

1. I have a lot of nicknames.. depende kung sinong group of friends ko ang tumatawag sa ken.
    Ann - when I was a baby.
    Len - by some of my tita's and cousins.
    Ana - my former officemates
    Nalyn - by my college friends
    Ayen - from alen to ayen.. lam ko dun nagstart, then my nieces can't pronounce my name kaya naging ayen. And now most people call me by this name.

2. I'm very patient with other things except waiting.  As in lumelevel-up ang dugo ko kapag pinaghihintay ako ng matagal. Hindi naman kita iiwan or hindi na kita aantayin pero you'll see in my face that I'm angry. I hate being late kasi, seldom as in super seldom na malate ako especially at work.

3. I'm a couch potato. I love watching movies, tv series and reality tv shows. I can spend my weekend just watching tv. Kaya kong ipagpalit ang gala sa isang magandang show or movie.

4. I have an itchy fee.. not athletes foot, silly! Mahilig akong gumala, mapaout of town pa yan or mall lang.. go ako dyan! Kaya kong umalis mag-isa, kung san dalhin ng paa. Plan ko din magout of town ng mag-isa lang. Mag-enjoy kaya ako?

5. I love adventures. Kahit madami akong fears, I try to try out new things, like takot ako sa heights pero natry ko na magskywalk, coaster edge, parasailing and ziplines. I try to conquer those fears and iba yung high when you overcome them.

6. I want to learn Photography, un formal learning talaga kasi mahilig ako sa pictures. Most of the time ako ang official photographer kapag may happenings  or trips.

7. I have a huge crush before kay Aga Muhlach. Wala akong pinalagpas na episode ng okidok and most of his movies napanood ko. Crush ko pa din sya til now pero mas crush ko na si Mo Twister. hahaha! Mahilig ako sa matatalino and mga boy next door.

8. I love chick flicks! Ako na ang hopeless romantic. Most of my favorite movies are romantic comedy. Mapaenglish or tagalog movie pa yan. My amnesia girl, 500 days of summer, My sassy girl, and syempre ang pinakarecent fave ko ang thai movie na "Crazy little thing called love".

9. Big frustration ko ang tumangkad. Kaya lang gang dito lang talaga ang height ko, sa pictures lang ako mukhang matangkad. I don't wear heels kasi mukhang yun ang ikamamatay ko dahil si tapilok at talisod ako palagi.

10. When I fall, I fall deep. Hindi ko na ieexplain. Hahaba pa ang usapan.

11. Malakas ang topak ko as in.. alam yan dito sa bahay. Pag wala talaga ko sa mood I'll just stay in my room ng ilang araw.. lalabas lang kung kakain or maliligo.

12. Attracted ako sa guy na may magandang batok. Basta there's a certain look ng batok na gusto ko, most of my crushes magaganda batok. Bakit batok? Hindi ko alam, hehehe! At least hindi kili-kili.

13. Pinangarap kong maging interior designer. Naaliw ako when I watch something about designing and renovating houses. Yung magiging dream house ko ako magdedesign ng interior. Pero bago yan, makahanap muna ng mayamang aasawahin. hehe!

14. I'm not the sweetest person you'll know, hindi kasi ko touchy pero I show my love in a different way. Even with my friends, hindi ako mahilig mag-hug or something pero alam nila pag kailangan nila ako, I'm always be there for them.

15. Chocolates.. I can't live without them. Comfort food ko yan. Mahilig ako sa dark chocolates pero ngayon I'm addicted to cloud 9 strawberry burst.

my OTD.. gaya-gaya!!! =p
oversized shirt by mom, leggings from seventeen, glam shoes from penshoppe

So yan na lang muna. Chicka galore muna ko. =)

truly madly deeply.... chos!

I was watching tv and browsing the channels when I saw Papa Piolo singing "truly madly deeply" in ASAP. Natawa lang ako kasi I remember someone. Someone from the past who gave me a note na may "truly madly deeply" na  nakasulat. Isang malaking chos! hehe! Hay naku, listen to this song na nga lang. =)

enjoy!

Dora's kwento for mother's day...

Yesterday, my friends and I went to 168 to do our shopping for our upcoming team building.  They saw these Buddha figurine in one of the stores and haggled for a lower price. I thought of buying the same figurine for my mom (swerte daw kasi yun sabi ni cindy) and it'll be my gift to her on Mother's day. I was hoping yesterday that my mom would like it. I was having a hard time what to give to her kasi, because I give the usual things to her like wallet, clothes or shoes. Mas mahirap bilihan ng gift si Mama kesa kay Papa. When I got home, I gave her my gift (hindi ko na talaga binalot.. hehe!) and she liked it. She asked me to put it in their bedroom on top of their tv cabinet.

mr. buddha

My sister gave my mom a wallet. Kaya we joked na ang swe-swerte ng gift nya. My dad gave her roses  and the cabbage looking flower (sorry mukha kasi talagang repolyo.. hehe!) and take note sya ang nag-arrange nung roses. Effort di ba? I was laughing when my dad told me she left the flowers on the bedside table and I asked why he didn't personally gave the flowers to mom, para daw masurprise. If I know may LQ sila. haha! Paromantic effect pa eh yearly  yun naman ang gimik nya!

the flowers

 

roses

the cabbage looking flower

Balak kong arborin yung cabbage looking flower kasi nagblu-blue sya eh sabi ni Br. Ben kung gusto ko mahanap ang boyfriend maglagay ako ng blue or white flower sa North part ng room ko. hehe!

mother's gift from Puregold

This afternoon my mom went to Puregold para maggrocery and they have this promo for Mother's day. They were giving this little gift (toiletries) to a mother who purchased groceries for 1k and up. And syempre pagdating sa bahay pinaghatian namin nina ate yung laman. Hiningi ko kay mudra yung olay cream. =)

It is right to give a special day for all the mother's in the world kasi iba yung hardwork na binibigay  nila sa family... Hardwork na walang kapalit, for the love of lang talaga. Yung gifts na binibigay natin I know they appreciate those pero mas naappreciate siguro nila yung effort and thoughtfulness na pinapakita natin sa kanila. It's our way to show how important Mom's are. And I would never trade a thing for my mom. =) I love her to bits..

Happy Mother's Day Mudra!

si mudra

I call her "mama" pero pag nakatalikod sya "mudra" ang tawag ko sa kanya. For 20 years, tumayo syang ama't ina sa aming 2 magkapatid kasi nasa malayo nagwowork si papa. Halos lahat ng kailangan sa bahay sya ang gumagawa kahit mag-ayos ng sirang gamit, kuryente o kahit anong bagay na pwede nyang gawin. Mana daw ako kay mama kasi madami kaming parehong ugali, una na pagiging topakin. Mahilig din kami pareho sa mga arts and crafts basta yung may mga binubutingting, magkasundo kami dyan. Kakaiba yung ibang hilig nya kasi mahilig yan mag PS2, daig pa ko nyan maglaro ng video games. Ang hinihingi nya ngang gift sa birthday nya ay PSP. San ka pa?! Mahilig din sya magluto kaya hindi ka magugutom kapag kasama mo sya. Sabi nga nya magtipid na sa ibang bagay hwag lang sa pagkain. Kita mo naman ako lang ang medyo payat sa amin.

one happy BIG family

Si mudra, over protective yan na madalas namin pag-awayan dati kasi dapat laging saktong oras ang uwi mo. Kahit hanggang ngayon mega patext yan kay ate para alamin kung anong oras ako uuwi. Medyo lie low na sya ngayon at nakakauwi na kami ng late. Kahit minsan alam mong galit sya sa'yo kasi may ginawa kang hindi maganda, mararamdaman  mo pa din na nag-aalala sya kung may natira bang pagkain para sa'yo or kung may babaunin ba kong food sa office.

mama and papa

Ma,

     I'm so lucky having you as my mom. Though hindi tayo ganun kavocal sa pagsasabi ng mga feelings natin, I appreciate every little thing you do for us. Kahit minsan nagkakatampuhan tayo pero kahit hindi ako mag-sorry you never fail to show your love for me. Thanks for the unconditional love.  Magpapakabait na ko. hehe! I love you. muah!

                                                                                                         ayen